The Assertive Cancer Patient

Debutaunt's Love Life

Not that I'm going to tell you anything that Debs hasn't posted to her own blog, but I met the debu__sweetie and his two daughters last weekend, in Seattle, and this new relationship has my total support. Not they need it: I haven't seen a happier couple since ... I don't know when.

Brief synopsis: Zoe, Debs' Wonder Child, started nudging her mom to start dating. So Debs got on eHarmony and met Tim, who happens to live in Renton, which is about half an hour south of Seattle, where I live.

Tim visited her in Texas, and then last week Debs and Zoe came up here to visit him and to meet his two daughters. And they all came to my house for dinner on Saturday. My friend who was visiting from San Francisco (old Tokyo friend, we go back 20 years) was there, and also Younger Son.

I did the easy dinner plan: Made a big salad, put out some chips and vegetables with hummus, and called for pizza.

Everyone seemed to enjoy it, but we had trouble getting Zoe and Tim's older daughter away from the kittens for long enough to eat!

The two of them played with and bottle-fed the kittens all evening, and named the two little females, who are now Zoe and Muffins, although I forget which kitten has which name--they look a lot alike. The kittens were exhausted after they left and slept for hours.

Now Debutaunt is planning on spending most of the summer up here with Tim, and she will definitely be here for the Cancer Bloggers Reunion in July. I have some work to do on that, so those of you who are coming--expect an e-mail soon.

And I am hoping that some of Debs and Tim's good fortune will rub off on me: I have a date with Car Guy on Sunday night. We haven't had The Talk yet, so I'm nervous about that ...

Go to Debutaunt's blog for Seattle photos: Debutaunt

@ Jeanne Sather 2008.

Cancer Bloggers: Catching Up

I haven't had time to stay current with all my cancer blogger friends while on last week's cross-country trip.

So that's my first priority, now that I'm home and have written most (but not all) of what I wanted to say about my train trip from Seattle to New York with my younger son.

First, an observation: I've noticed this before, but when I'm traveling, I seem to leave my cancer behind in Seattle. I don't think about it much, and I certainly don't worry about it. But I'm taking my Tykerb and other drugs every day, so it's not like I can really forget about cancer. But I do, somehow. And that's good. I need a break from cancer every now and then.

Back to the blogger friends:

Sara
Only Sara could have a brain tumor, which she did, and make it funny. That's all I'm going to say, except read about it in Sara's own words:

What They Knew, When They Knew It, and Why We Weren't Told Sooner

Also read about her True Love and what trust REALLY means when you have a brain tumor:

Artifacts of Trust

Sara's True Love, who sent me--and about 40 more of Sara's admirers--the e-mails you can read in the above post, deserves our highest honor. What should it be called, and what should it look like? Something like a badge of courage (because this wasn't easy for him, obviously) ... but also it needs to show his love for Sara ... and the way he "gets" her--this is so rare, especially in stressful, difficult times like when we are living with cancer.

I won't even tell you (much) about all the e-mails I get from people whose partners can't take it, and either bail or are just not supportive. And I don't have a partner--The primary reason for that, I think, is that I am living with a cancer that cannot be cured. I can live with that (mostly) but I haven't found a man who can. And I don't look very hard, because I'm busy dealing with my cancer, and my life.

But this post is not about me, it's about Sara, and her marvelous talent for living and loving.

Amorette
I was a little worried about Amorette, because she's pregnant and I hadn't heard from her for awhile, but it turns out she's been busy, getting into interesting situations involving Wal-Mart and emergency room elevators.

Also, read her marvelous rant about race and disability:

Wait, what?

I still haven't gotten my disability hang-tag for my car (which has been in the shop for the PAST THREE WEEKS, but who's counting?) because I can't quite face it--even though I've been legally disabled and collecting Social Security Disability for the past two years.

I could have applied for disability much sooner, but I was afraid I would go bankrupt and lose my house, so I kept on working--yes, those were fun days. I worked from bed, on a laptop, much of the time.

And a short update on her pregnancy. Yes, Amorette is pregnant, with twins. This is a woman who never does anything by halves. And she wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant, either.

Heart problem explained...something I hadn't thought about

Teri
Teri, AKA The Cheeky Librarian, has created a blog which probably has more info about her rare form of cancer than any other blog or Web site in the world.

She's also survived a brain tumor, thank you very much, and has written about that.

Her latest post is about getting screened for adenoid cystic carcinoma, which is the kind of cancer she has. Or had. Teri, correct my verb tense, please.

MayoClinic's entry for Salivary Gland Cancer

And here's her entry about the pain clinic:

A visit to the pain clinic

Many of us live with chronic pain, and it's a bitch. Here's one of my posts about pain:

Questions I Hate: Pain

I am, at the moment, and knock wood, pain free. Next time I have a pain problem, I'm going to try needles--that's acupuncture. I think it would be better than the pain meds which messed up my tummy and my head.

Debutaunt
Just got off of Debs' blog. I feel really out of touch with her for some reason--her beautiful daughter has gone and turned 8 (!!!) while I wasn't looking. And it's soccer season for Zoe again already.

See:

Soccer is my LIFE!!!!!

Brave Sister

More to come.

@ Jeanne Sather 2008.

A New Reader Is Looking for a Friend, or Two

A new reader named Kathy put up a comment on my blog over the weekend.

She has colorectal cancer, and would like to find other single women with the same kind of cancer to compare notes with.

So if that's you, please leave a comment below, or send me an e-mail and I will put you in touch with Kathy.

Here's her comment:

Oh, I just stumbled on your site today. Thank you for the giggles and information.

My cancer is a bit different and the problems I am having are not mentioned on your site.

Is there any single woman out there with colon rectal cancer, trying to get their life back, dating, raising their kids and well trying to gain some weight too. Two things I lost were my breasts not because of cancer but because of the loss of weight. At fifty everything does begin to be effected by gravity but shesh, mine look like prunes, LOL!!

Anyway, keep up your great work. It made me feel good today. If there's anyone out there with nutrition complications due to their colostomy, please contact me at this blog. It would be wonderful to know someone else with some of the same problems.

Dating, you are too funny. As soon as I mention cancer you would think I was typhoid Mary. I could go on but, thank you, I truly enjoy your observations and look forward to it from now on.

Kathy from Hudson Valley New York

Thanks, Kathy. I think you'll find some pretty cool women (and the occasional guy) on this site, even if we don't match you up with someone with colorectal cancer. Jeanne

A New Breed of Cancer Patient: Living Longer, Shouting Louder

That's our new slogan, folks. It came to me as I was writing an e-mail to Teri, the Cheeky Librarian, AKA, Ninja Librarian.

Because we are the ones who are going to bring real, lasting change to cancer care. Not the folks who go through treatment once and then are done with it. Bless them, they barely have time to realize how awful it all is and they're out the other side.

But those of us whose lives have been changed by cancer, and who are living with this disease up close and personal every day, we are the ones who have time to think about it, and rant about it, and WE WILL BRING CHANGE.

Read a couple of first-class rants:

The hell I will

Depleted

@ Jeanne Sather 2008.

Keeping Secrets

Here's one secret I won't have to keep anymore: Amorette is pregnant!

Read all about it on her blog, in a post that breaks my heart even while I'm feeling such joy for her. Amorette was never supposed to be able to get pregnant, because of some heavy-duty cancer treatment at a very early age. (Radiation, age 3.)

Read: Wait, aren't I infertile?

Amorette does such a great job of feeling what she feels and then bleeding all over the page, in a way that is impossible not to empathize with.

I've known about this pregnancy for a little while, because we communicate by e-mail as well as on our respective blogs, and I was really afraid that I was going to slip up and say something in a comment that would out her before she was ready (chemo brain, you know).

So now I can relax about that.

Totally Shitty Day
Despite the beautiful weather, and the good news from Amorette, and the good news from my oncology appointment this afternoon (more on that later), I have been in a totally shitty mood all day, topped off by an upset tummy--Tykerb, lots of trips to the bathroom--and a swimmy/dizzy feeling that made me wonder if I was safe to drive myself to and from the doctor (of course, I drove).

I think I know why I'm in this mood.

One of the readers of my blog had a mastectomy this morning, and even though I only know her from the blog, it really got to me. I was right back there when I had my own mastectomy, nine years ago.

Back then, mostly, I felt numb. I walked, I talked, but I was numb. And this morning I think I was having a little sympathy numbness for my friend, who was in surgery.

I sent her some flowers, which seemed like such a small thing to do. Trite, even. (But I hope she likes them.)

I wanted to do so much more: Hold her hand. Tell her everything would be OK (even though we both know that no one knows if everything will be OK, but sometimes you just have to pretend, you know?). Tell boob jokes. Or boob-less jokes.

@ Jeanne Sather 2008.

Cancer Bloggers Reunion: Jacqueline (Rebel1in8) is Coming!

I am so excited! Jacqueline, the only one of you cancer bloggers that I've met face-to-face, is coming to the Cancer Bloggers Reunion in July.

I visited Jacqueline in New York over the Labor Day weekend, and she made me some fabulous clothes and earrings. I just got another pair of earrings from her in the mail on Friday, which I had ordered through her online store. I will try to put up a photo of these soon.

The turquoise earrings she made for me earlier have become my signature earrings--no one else in Seattle has a pair. The coral ones are very similar, the same length (to the shoulder), which works really well with short hair like mine--although my hair is getting longer. I have abandoned the buzz cut for now. And my hair is curling at the back--which is new. Chemo hair, I guess.

Jacqueline and me on Coney Island, Labor Day 2007.

I'm going to see Jacqueline again in New York in March, this time with Younger Son in tow. I asked him if he wanted to make a trip during his spring break, and he chose New York. We'll also stop off in Ohio to see one of my oldest friends, who is Younger Son's de facto godfather. And see Amorette as well, I hope.

Go to this link to see all my posts about Jacqueline and her great clothes and jewelry: Rebel Fashion.

To order clothing, contact: Jacqueline@rebel1in8.com.

The Roll Call
The Cancer Bloggers Reunion: The YESes: Jacqueline, Amorette, Teri, and Lisa.

The DEFINITE MAYBEs: Sara, Debs, and Carver.

Read more: Cancer Bloggers Reunion.

Support this blog:

@ Jeanne Sather 2008.

Surviving the Holidays: Candle Making

Another one of my holiday traditions is to spend an afternoon making candles with my friends Linda and Megan.

This year was, I think, the third year we've done this, and we always have a great time. The candles we produce have that funky, homemade charm.

Past Years
When my sons were little, we always spent at least a day, sometimes two or three, making holiday ornaments and gifts together. Both my boys enjoyed art projects, and were talented in this regard, so we had a good time and produced some pretty cool gifts. We still have many of their handmade ornaments on our tree, like most families.

I wanted them to learn about giving gifts from an early age, because for kids Christmas can be a bad lesson in GREED.

Have they learned this lesson? It's too early to tell (they are 23 and 17), but I like to think so.

In any case, they are no longer interested in helping me with the Christmas projects, so now I do this with friends. (Younger Son has volunteered to help with the fudge making and cookie baking, though--I wonder why? And he will help me get the tree and put it up and decorate it. Older Son is MIA while these activities are going on--not that he wasn't invited.)

Candle-Making Supplies
Linda and Megan and I are still working off the same huge block of paraffin that I bought three years ago.

Our other supplies include: wicks, color chips (two shades of green, red, and gold--next year we are going to get blue and make blue and silver candles), glitter, stickers, and plain white candles of various shapes for dipping. We also have a star-shaped mold to make poured candles.

Our favorite technique involves melting the paraffin in a double boiler (I bought a special metal pitcher to melt wax in so I wouldn't destroy any of my limited supply of pots and pans), adding color chips, and then dipping white candles into the colored wax. This year, we added glitter while the wax was still soft.

In fact, I think we went a little crazy with the glitter; I'm still finding it all over the house, but I don't care.

Another technique was to put stickers on a white candle, and then dip it quickly into golden yellow wax. These turned out really well, and we decided to get some Christmas-themed stickers next year and do more of these.

We each make eight or 10 candles, and I'll give some of mine away and use the others to decorate the mantle.

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

A Birthday Bento

My friend Amorette, who is a bento artist, made me a bento for my birthday.

A bento is a Japanese box lunch. These are sold in department stores, train stations, and by vendors who push carts up and down the aisles of the Bullet Train (Shinkansen) and other long-distance trains. (The vendors are too cute for words--they bow before leaving each train car, and apologize for having disturbed the passengers. They also wear white gloves.)

One of the best things about traveling in Japan is the boxed lunches. Different regions have specialty bento, and there is a bento that dates to World War II that is one red picked plum in the center of a bed of rice, and that's it. It resembles Japan's flag, the Hi no Maru. Think of it as the austerity bento.

The bento Amorette made for me is highly perishable, so I'm only feasting on it with my eyes. It wouldn't be safe to eat after shipping across the country. But I'm going to get her to make me another one if and when we ever meet face to face.

A question for the artist: What's the blue stuff? Is it ginger?

Thanks, Amorette. I love it.

Jeanne

The Cheeky Librarian Becomes The Brainy Librarian

Well, it's not exactly brain surgery that Teri, The Cheeky Librarian, is having today, so I guess I can't rename her The Brainy Librarian.

But as I write this, Teri, who has adenoid cystic carcinoma, a cancer that I can't even pronounce, let alone spell (the joys of cut and paste), is in surgery to remove a tumor from her skull. Her doctors think the tumor, or lesion, if you prefer, is benign. But it's been making Teri dizzy.

She writes on her blog: " ... it looks like a pearl stuck in between the inner and outer bones of my skull, right above and behind my left ear."

Teri used a lot of humor to get herself ready for surgery, and she and I have been e-mailing back and forth about this for a couple of weeks. It feels good to think that I can be helpful to Teri at a time like this, even as I try to control my own fears for her.

Check in on her blog, The Cheeky Librarian, for updates on how she's doing.

Teri's hospital in Nebraska has a Wellwishers e-cards page. How cool is that? I'm going there to try to leave a message right now.

Oh, and Teri sent me this great quote this morning, on her way to the hospital:

"I believe you are stronger than any circumstance you have to face. I believe that even if you can't see the way clearly right now, all will be well in your life. I believe in the strength inside you, and the good things ahead of you."

I got goosebumps reading that one.

4 p.m. Update

A friend of Teri's posted this to her blog:

Go to hospital e-card to post an e-card to Teri. [You need her full name, which is Teresa Hartman.] I'm in the waiting room at the hospital, and have Internet access, so will try to update the blog as information comes in. So far, its all quiet, which is good news.

and then later:

The surgery went well. The lesion is removed and it had not entered the dura, which was the biggest worry. The surgeon was pleased with how things went. This was what Teri and family had hoped would be today's outcome.

Back to me: A huge relief. Now I can go and take a nap. Please send Teri an e-card if you are a reader of her blog. I send her the one that says "Congrats on your new baby girl!" or words to that effect. I was just being weird, but I knew Teri would appreciate it. She actually "delivered" a pearl, or that's how her doctors were describing the tumor, anyway.

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

Jacqueline of Rebel1in8 on WABC-TV

I've been waiting for this link ever since Saturday, when the program first aired.

The producers call the program "Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies." I call it Jacqueline's On TV!

To read more about Jacqueline and her fantastic clothing and jewelry, go to Rebel Fashion and scroll down.