How LOW Will Komen GO?: The 2009 Winners

Choosing the winners in our third annual competition to find the tackiest, most trivial, most offensive pink-ribbon products wasn't easy. As readers of this blog know only too well, during October we are overwhelmed by displays of tacky pink crap whenever we venture into most retail establishments. 

It was especially difficult for me this year, because my good friend Debutaunt, who won both of the previous two contests, died last spring. Every crappy pink ribbon product made me grieve for Deb, who was not here to share my outrage. 

As always, The Assertive Cancer Patient suggests that you fight back by voting with your wallet. Don't shop at stores filled with pink-ribbon merchandise, and do patronize stores that refuse to be pink-washed. 

Grand prize: to Karla, for the Ashton-Drake Breast Cancer Awareness Dolls 

Karla wrote: I couldn't pick just one of their products, because they have a ton of them, and all of them are equally awful.

There's the "Walk for the Cause" doll, to be followed by a two-doll edition, "Sisters Walk Together." ... There are basketfuls of baby dolls: For example, the "Cuties for the Cause," which include "Crawl for the Cause" [see photo] and the promised upcoming "Hide and Seek for the Cause." 

... Not enough for you? Take a look at the "Tiny Miracles" series ... Why are they breast cancer dolls? Because, you see, babies are little miracles, just like recovering from breast cancer is ... a MIRACLE!! 

But, best of all, as you can read, a portion of the proceeds from the sale of each doll "will benefit the fight against breast cancer." What portion? How much? How will it benefit? Who is getting the money?

All these questions go unanswered, but, oh, by buying these dolls you "can express your hopeful and nurturing nature." Well, that's what this is really all about, right?--Showing what hopeful, optimistic, nurturing, giving people we are by ... BUYING SOMETHING!!!

These dolls are contest winners, every one! See: DOLLS FOR THE CURE

Karla, contact me to claim your prize. 

First prize: to Teri, for PGI, a company which sells pink products and donates NO money to any cause

PGI sent out e-mails, suggesting that its customers should buy pink products "to show their customers that they support awareness." In other words, buy this pink schlock and either give it away or resell it, with NO money going to support any cancer organization. 

Seems like the ultimate in chutzpah to me.

Here's the link to their list of pink products: PGI PINK PRODUCTS

Teri, your prize will be on its way to you shortly. 

Second prize: (entered by me), to M&Ms for its continued celebration of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I admit that the pink M&Ms really piss me off. That's why I used them to make a mosaic of what breast cancer actually looks like. See: M&Ms and Cancer: The Mosaic

Think about it. Every Halloween, the M&Ms folks sell black and orange M&Ms, to celebrate. Every Christmas, it's red and green. And at Easter, pastel M&Ms. Why are we celebrating breast cancer with pink M&Ms? I've never been able to understand it. 

Then this year, M&Ms went even further in its celebration of breast cancer, with pink ribbon mylar balloons! If you bought two bags of pink M&Ms, you got to take home a balloon for free. The balloons were shaped just like a pink ribbon, but to me they resembled nothing more than a life jacket. I wanted to get a photo, but I was home in bed with a bad cold yesterday, so didn't get a chance. 

Thanks to everyone who entered. 

Also, a note about the name of the contest: Not all of our contest entries or winners actually give money to Komen. I know that, but the contest is named for Komen because that nonprofit is responsible for the current pink-ribbon-cause-marketing-run-amok Festival of Crappy Pink Merchandise that we women with breast cancer have to endure every October. 

Until Komen takes responsibility for its actions, and polices itself better, the contest will continue to be named "How LOW Will Komen GO?" 

NOTE: Apologies for the varying font sizes. It's a problem with Typepad that I haven't been able to fix. 

@ Jeanne Sather 2009. 

Comments

[Karla]

Oh wow!!! I won the grand prize!!! I don't know whether to be honored or...sad. Anyway, I'd like to thank all the little people who helped me win...you know who you are...Crawl for the Cause, Drool for the Cause, Poop Your Diaper for the Cause...thank you all!!!!!