Gloomy Sunday

I've been home from the hospital since Tuesday, but it doesn't seem like I've done much during that time. 

I spent a couple of days mostly in bed, and I really haven't had much appetite, which is not good. Still haven't unpacked my suitcase from my Omaha trip, and I have a stack of bills to pay and paperwork to sort out. 

Emotionally, I'm as strong as ever, but physically I'm kind of wobbly. 

I think the first two things I need to address are my diet and getting some moderate exercise. My friend Laurie took me to the grocery store yesterday, so I am stocked up on extra-healthy food. This is a time for great nutrition. As I write this, I am eating a bowl of made-from-real-oats oatmeal, with brown sugar and half and half. (I forgot to get raisins, and I love raisins on my oatmeal. Next time.) 

It takes 10 or 15 minutes to cook real oats, but I'm not in a hurry in the mornings. And the flavor is worth it. Not to mention the better nutrition, and no additives as there are in instant hot cereals. 

Next on the agenda is a pot of split pea soup. I plan to have that for a late lunch. Somewhere in there, I'll eat a banana cut up with good yoghurt, because my GI tract needs the good bacteria after my bout with C. diff. And of course I'm low on potassium right now, which is found in bananas. 

Tonight is my birthday dinner with my boys--my birthday is Tuesday, November 17--and they are planning to order healthy Chinese food for us. A tofu dish. A couple of vegetable dishes. And brown rice. 

Exercise 

It's hard to exercise right now, because I still feel a bit wobbly, but it's essential. The first day I was home, I walked three blocks to and from my neighborhood bookstore, and that felt like a lot. Another day, I puttered in the yard, picking up downed branches and deadheading my mums. Today, despite the gloomy weather, I'm planning to walk Connie down to the park and throw his ball for him for a bit. 

Every day for the next week or two I want to commit to walking Connie. That will help me get my strength back. 

Treatment 

Dr. Lee pointed out that we have to make a treatment decision, because my cancer progressed (the new met in my skull) when I was on the irinotecan. Of course, my hope is to get the neratinib on compassionate use grounds from Wyeth/Pfizer, and when I see Dr. Lee on Tuesday I'm going to ask him to call the oncologist at Wyeth again to see if they have an answer for me. 

If we are going to get it that way, there are masses of paperwork, which I will have to complete. Masses. It's amazing any sick person ever manages to complete this process. 

As far as the new tumor goes, I have an appt. with a doctor who does cyber-knife on Friday next week. His name is also Dr. Lee, so prepare for some confusion on my blog. I have a lot of info about both cyber knife and gamma knife to read before that appt., but the summary--from what I've read so far--is that both procedures work about equally well, but with gamma knife you have to have your head screwed into an uncomfortable metal frame with bolts going into your skull in four places. I'd rather avoid that. 

Loss of a Friend 

I found out Friday that a friend of mine who also had metastatic breast cancer has died. I had seen Janet a couple of weeks ago, and knew she wasn't doing well. In fact, I knew she had decided to stop treatment and start hospice care, but somehow I still didn't expect this news so soon. 

I've lost a lot of friends to this disease, many of them people who were diagnosed after I was, or whose cancer returned just recently, and they are gone and I am still here. I can't explain how that makes me feel ... If I figure it out, I'll let you know. 

A footnote: I've started working on my holiday jewelry designs (actually, I was designing in my head while I was hospitalized last week), and the first of these is available on my jewelry blog: Christmas Jewelry: Rocking Horse Bracelet

@ Jeanne Sather 2009. 

 

Comments

[Amorette]

If the gamma knife procedure ends up being the better option for other reasons, don't let the bolts in your skull put you off. I had four bolts in my skull for months, with a halo brace. It sucks during, but there are minimal aftereffects and the pain is manageable. I can't imagine they'd install them (if they are the same as a halo) without some sort of conscious sedation.