Dating: Jumping in Again

Those of you who are familiar with my search for a Canadian husband probably realize that the personal ad I posted brought more media inquiries than it did messages from interested men, although I did hear from about a dozen men, and one woman.

The media blitz was fun--I made headlines around the world.

I only met with one man, during a weekend trip to Vancouver. B.C. He was a nice guy, but I liked him better via e-mail than I did face to face (He wrote great e-mails, sigh). No chemistry.

After that, I let things ride for awhile, but now--having gotten my cancer beaten back, yet again--I feel like looking around. I'd like to date--how fun would that be? And have a man or two in my life who I could call when I feel like going to a movie or out to dinner.

I'm not sure how I feel about a serious relationship, or marriage, but those are questions for the future.

So today I put a personal ad up on a dating site called C Is for Cupid that is for "people affected by cancer."

There was only one guy in my age range who lives in the Seattle area, so I sent him a message, plus a message to another interesting man who lives in Massachusetts. I have more in common with the guy in Massachusetts--we are both vegetarians, both bloggers, and both have graduate degrees. And we both have green eyes--that's got to make us compatible, right?

Now I guess I wait for replies.

I found this site in Newsweek magazine, of all places. Newsweek did a story back in July called "Sick, Single, Seeking Same" about dating sites for people with health problems. Today, I pulled the article out of my slush pile of things I've been meaning to blog about.

In addition to C Is for Cupid, the story mentions another site for people with all sorts of different issues, from alcoholism to Crohn's disease called Prescription4Love.com.

I took a look at that site, but was really turned off by what it said about breast cancer:

Breast Cancer Support Groups for Singles

Experiencing breast cancer can be difficult, and there are many cancer support groups to help you. Breast cancer is a common form of cancer, and a breast cancer dating services can help you find understanding singles for friendship and romance. There are over two million women living in the U.S. who have been treated for breast cancer. Unlike lung cancer, individuals are unable to prevent breast cancer. In fact, some men develop breast cancer but in smaller numbers. Just remember, you are not alone.

There are many breast cancer support groups available. Ask your physician and inquire at the center where you received treatment. Search the Internet for online groups and use breast cancer dating services, such as Prescription 4 Love, to help you find singles for friendship and romance. If you are a cancer survivor, you should be proud of your victory.

Learn more about Breast Cancer Support Group...
Tips for Using Breast Cancer Dating Services

Don't be reluctant to use breast cancer dating services. This step can be a positive effort in your recovery if you are a survivor. Overcoming the stress and physical effects of cancer treatment is a therapeutic necessity during recovery. Just like cancer support groups, a dating service can help provide an outlet. Cancer is not contagious, so you can feel confident in getting back into the dating scene. Finding friends who can help you can be very rewarding. And, there is always the possibility of finding a caring individual for a long-lasting relationship. What medicine could be better?

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Condescending to the max. And note what it says about lung cancer: "Unlike lung cancer, individuals are unable to prevent breast cancer."

So we shouldn't be ashamed to have breast cancer, unlike those poor schmucks with lung cancer--right?

And not to muddy the waters, but there are some things you CAN do to prevent breast cancer, or to reduce your chances of getting breast cancer ... so that's not accurate either.

It does give a number that I've been looking for: 2 million breast cancer survivors in the United States. I wonder if that's accurate? Does anyone have a figure from a reliable source?

As for meeting someone, rather than reading the personals, I think I should spend more time driving around in the Corvair--that thing is a magnet for attractive men!

Read:

CancerMatch.com?

The Red Corvair

@ Jeanne Sather 2008.

Comments

[Amorette]

That article is insane.

But I think your decision to start dating is plenty sound...have fun!

[Sara]

Oooo, I smell an opportunity. I'd love to see what you would write for the dating site instead.

And damn straight! All those people who grew up in factory towns breathing chemical smog who now have lung cancer? Y'all ought to be ashamed of yourselves! (kidding)

Let me know if you come to Massachusetts and need a chaperone. :)

[jeanne]

Yeah, I should rewrite it for them.

So far, no response from the two guys I e-mailed, but if I do come to Mass. I will definitely call on you to chaperone!

[Ricky Durham]

Hello

I am the owner of Prescription4love.com.

I saw your comments about Prescription4love.com and Breast Cancer.
Thank you for pointing these things out to us.
We are looing into this matter and will make some changes soon.

Thank you
Ricky@prescription4love.com

[Ricky Durham]

I see that I misspelled Looking. (looing)

As a person who has Diabetes, my eyesight is not what it used to be.

Ricky@Prescription4Love.com

[jeanne]

Ricky--Let me know if you'd like some suggestions for what to say. For now, I suggest you just delete those sections. As they stand they are very offensive to cancer patients, both lung cancer and breast cancer.

[Ricky Durham]

Jeanne

I would love to hear your suggestions.

As you can see I need all the help I can get.

You can email me at the email address below.
Again, Thank you
Ricky@prescription4love.com

[Dee]

Kudos to you for being willing to make changes to your website so that they aren't offensive!

[jeanne]

Absolutely. Dee, thanks for saying that. I agree. And I'll give this some thought and e-mail you my suggestion in a day or so.

Jeanne

[Constance]

Jeanne,
It's nice to know that someone else out there has been battling breast cancer (I refuse to capitalize the word) and looking to find a relationship with someone. I just signed on and went to google a site for dating someone in remission from breast cancer. I found your blog and not much more. I too am looking for someone to start a relationship with. The big question is.Is there someone willing to begin a relationship with someone in remission from breast cancer.

I have learned to beat this and live day to day knowing that I can survive. But can someone open there heart to someone who has had cancer?. I believe it would take a special person. I hope you find that person. Best to you and your journey.
Constance
San Diego, Ca

[jeanne]

Constance--the answer is "yes, but ..."

Let me write a new post on this and I will send you the link. Or you can just watch for it over the next day or two.

Jeanne

[Karen]

Jeanne,

I am a 2x breast cancer survivor. My first diagnosis was 21 years ago (age 34)and had 2 long term relationships afterwards. As time went on, my cancer faded into the background and was not an issue. I think you will find a good person who will understand. I was diagnosed again 3 years ago with breast cancer and had a bilateral mastectomy. I cannot have reconstruction due to tissue damage from the radiation. I have no idea where to begin meeting a man. When and how do you tell a man that you have no breasts??? I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will not find someone who would be accepting of this. I have been on C is for Cupid, but there are not alot of people on the site yet. We need to get that website out to other cancer survivors.