A Death in the Family

I just got a phone call from my aunt, telling me that my brother, Eric, has died.

Eric Sather, 54, dead of colon cancer.

Right now, I don't feel much. A big blank.

Eric's death was expected. He was diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer about two years ago. He lived in Alaska, but was back and forth to Seattle for surgery and treatment.

I haven't written about my brother on my blog before because we were pretty much estranged for the past 10 years or more. He did e-mail me, along with my sisters and cousins, during the time he was in treatment, but I didn't see him.

This was one of those topics that I had decided NOT to blog about. For good reason.

But now, my big brother, my only brother, is dead. And it's raining in Seattle.

Comments

[Amy]

I'm so sorry. I wish things could have been different.

[Lisa]

I"m so sorry. Family is tough always, but you love them regardless. Combining death with pain and icky pain meds, plus rain= a bad week no question.

[Sara]

{{{jeanne}}}

[carver]

Dear Jeanne,

I am sorry for your loss.

As ever, Carver

[Cindy]

Delurking to say how sorry I am for the loss of your brother. I check in with your blog almost daily and you're never very far from my mind/heart.

Things have been rocky for you of late and now, this! Wish I could do more, but prayers are all I have.

[Jen]

I am so sorry. Sorry for your loss now and sorry for your loss at whatever point you became estranged.

[laurie]

Jeanne,
I know from experience that the most ambivalent relationships can be the most difficult losses as so much remains unresolved.
I am so sorry for your loss.

[jeanne]

Thanks, everyone for the comments. I especially appreciate your tact and sensitivity on the issue of my estrangement from my brother.

Note: not one person told me what to do.

And Jen, that is an especially kind thought, for the loss at the time we became estranged, as it was actually a bigger loss than his death.

Cindy--welcome. Join in any time. Or not.

Jeanne

[jessica]

oh, jeanne...

first, apologies for my absence of late. i won't exploit your comments with excuses or explanations. just know that you are in my thoughts.

second, having lost an estranged parent this year, i know too well the blank you are speaking of. each of us grieves in a way that is uniquely our own, but that process becomes much more complicated when family dynamics come into play. it is a loss all its own. one we may not have chosen, but one we experience nonetheless.

sending strength and acceptance...

[Gloria]

I've been out of town and away from your blog -- I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, Jeanne.

Warm regards,

Gloria