U.S.-Canada Cancer Patient Dating Service

This idea came to me, as so many good ideas often do, during a conversation with an intelligent, interesting woman. (Which is not to slam men. I occasionally have great ideas while talking with men as well.)

The woman is an expatriate American who is now a resident of Canada. In our conversation we ranged far and wide in cancer territory, and one subject that came up was the high cost of my health insurance and cancer care.

“Move to Canada,” she said, only half-joking.

From there the conversation segued into the idea of a dating service to match cancer patients north and south of the 49th parallel. We were joking, and I’m joking, sort of, when I put up the first ad (mine), but the whole idea makes a valid point:

If I lived about 150 miles north, in Vancouver, B.C., I would still be financially solvent, instead of having the stress of always teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. I also wouldn’t pay out almost $800 a month for health insurance that is slightly better than a barebones policy (and $15,000 to $20,000 annually in out-of-pocket medical costs). I’d call my policy a Honda Civic, as opposed to the Cadillac health insurance policies that public employees, including members of Congress, enjoy — at the taxpayers’ expense, I might add.

But I digress. The point is, if I married a Canadian, I would not longer have to worry about the high cost of cancer care. (See The (High) Cost of Cancer Treatment: I and The (High) Cost of Cancer Treatment: 2.

Thus, my personal ad:

Assertive, adventurous 52-year-old woman, living with incurable cancer, would like to meet a marriage-minded Canadian gent who is a cancer survivor or living with the disease.

Me: Writer, artist, teacher, well-known cancer blogger. Mother of two almost-grown sons (22 and 17). Vegetarian (but you don’t have to be). Loves animals (two large dogs and three cats), gardening, house projects. The beach. Books. Travel. Financially solvent except for absurdly expensive health insurance premiums and medical costs. Dislikes: Pink ribbons, chemotherapy, and unsolicited advice.

You: Age 45 to about 57. Canadian citizen living in Vancouver, B.C., or willing to relocate there. Cancer patient or survivor. Open-minded. Bit of a risk taker. Warm hearted but not clinging. Bald OK.

I’m not looking for a caretaker, and you shouldn’t be either. I am looking for a lover and new best friend.

Contact: jeanne.sather@gmail.com with photo.

A footnote: If I do marry a Canadian citizen, I expect the Canadian government to send George Bush, or whomever follows him into the Oval Office, a bill for the $300,000 annual cost of my cancer care.

Another footnote: If you'd like to join the U.S.-Canada Cancer Patient Dating Service, shoot me an e-mail: jeanne.sather@gmail.com.

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

Comments

[jessica]

i am not one for IM/internet slanguage but this time, an exception: LMAO!

p.s. i look great in mid-length pink taffeta, you know, just in case this all works out....

[Teresa Hartman]

Wonderful! You get that dating service started, and I will start up the career-switching service (we should all be able to switch to the jobs we REALLY love after surviving cancer). I have a bit of psychic in me, and I see your story being a great book/movie someday, with Glenn Close playing you, and Pierce Brosnan playing the Canadian...

[Sara]

That's hilarious. I also love Jessica's idea about the pink taffeta -- with big pink ribbon sashes? Should they also carry bouquets trailing pill bottles and little plastic dollar signs? And what will the groom's men wear? Will that depend on what kind of cancer he has?

I am intrigued by your specifying that you want a man who is also a cancer patient or survivor. Why?

[laurie]

LOL! I have said many times that I feel very fortunate to live in Canada, with its universal health care.
If the dating thing doesn't work out (although I think it's a brilliant idea, and could be fun), perhaps you could lead the charge for Washington to become the 11th Canadian province? Our our fourth territory?

[jeanne]

Thanks everyone for all the great comments. If I do find a Canadian groom, I will invite all my blogging friends to be bridesmaids in pink taffeta with huge butt bows--apparently the butt bow is VERY important to bridesmaids' dresses. And the groom and his groomsmen will have to wear the right color--pale blue if he has had prostate cancer, for the others we may have to make up a color.

Sara asked why I want a man who is a cancer survivor, and the reason is that I think a man who has gone through this will understand some of the realities of my life. That doesn't mean I would refuse a healthy guy (I don't think I would, anyway).

Washington state (or the western half, anyway) should become part of Canada. That would be great--I wouldn't even have to move.

Jeanne

[Lisa]

that is funny. I am currently trying to whip up a whitty way to complain about my insurance. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

LEt me know how the dating service goes.

[jeanne]

Lisa--what's wrong with your insurance? Did you read Sara's post about applying for health insurance? I'll find the link and send it to you.

[Lisa]

Jeanne,

Don't worry my insurance prob is not so bad, more ironic - which is why I am thinking about posting about it. I'll let you know when I do, as I think you'll get a kick out of it.

[jeanne]

Of course I want to hear about it. The more examples we can put out there, the better.

Jeanne

[Jill]

The sad part about Canadian health coverage is that Rik's family always said if he'd still been living in Canada when he had to have open heart surgery, he'd still be waiting for it....

But I'm up for a pink ribbon butt bow if you find that special someone!

[jeanne]

Jill--you are second in line for a pink taffeta butt bow, behind Jessica, who suggested that part of the whole party.

That would be pretty wild.

So far, quite a few women friends have weighed it, but no men, Canadian or otherwise. Where are they hiding?

Jeanne

[jessica]

uh oh! i overlooked any correlation of the pink taffeta and breast cancer ribbons! totally not my intent... mostly i was just thinking ugly, 80s, destined for future life on a thrift store rack. my mind's eye sees that in a deeper pink, but if you want to flip the proverbial bird to exploitation, i can accommodate paler shades as well.

now lets work at getting your ad to the top of the search engines, shall we?

[jeanne]

Jessica--I think pink butt bows as a poke at the pink ribbon mania would totally work! Let's do it (once I find the guy).

How are you doing?

Jeanne

[jessica]

yes, certainly, whatever the bride wishes! big, standard bow, right? or is it a big breast cancer ribbon on the butt? (trying to get a visual over here)

i am not doing very well at all. i appreciate you asking, and if you get a chance, send some mojo or voodoo or magic or prayer or whatever it is you like to share...

travel safely, k?

[Niels]

I heard your interview on the Rutherford show and have a couple of comments. My first one is - good luck. I congratulate you on fighting for your life and maintaining a sense of humour. I do warn you though - his comment about MRI waiting is true - I paid for mine rather than waiting 3 - 6 months. I also warn you - my father in law was not tested despite numerous small strokes for pancreatic cancer for two years and then died within two months. Candidly - I would pay the 20 grand a year and get first class care rather than putting up with our socialized (mediocre) health care.

Best wishes

Niels

[Suzie]

I found a cancer patient dating service, much as you described, at http://www.cancermatch.com It looks like it is supported by the Lance Armstrong Foundation and some other nonprofit. I signed up and I feel optimistic.

[jeanne]

Yes, I knew about that one, haven't had time to blog about it yet. Let me know how it goes.

Jeanne

[sue gregory]

Brilliant web site please contact me not to good on computer

[Jen]

A Canadian woman died prematurely in the province in Nova Scotia because Avastin was not covered (at that time). It was not until a member of the Nova Scotia government developed cancer that suddently Avastin was covered.

Sadly, the mom left behind a young child and husband and I've read about other Canadians with cancer having to fight with the government to cover their treatment, especially those that are newer, and some have had to (really are forced to if they want to live) travel to the US for care and their provincial government did not pay the bill, because the approriate paper work was not completed. Had they waited for the paper work to be ready (go through) they would have died. Canadian healthcare is not quite as generous as many Americans believe it is. Often our crumbling Canadian system fails an increasing number of Canadians including myself.

[Michael Bluemke]

I was just told I've got roughly 9-10 months to live(oh how easily they say it) but anyway I would actually like to meet someone, I currently reside in NYC. I am 46 years old, and fit on the outside, I am 6'4" and weigh 220lbs, I have alot of life still and would very much like to share it with someone. Thank You so much for reading!

[Michael Bluemke]

I was just told I've got roughly 9-10 months to live(oh how easily they say it) but anyway I would actually like to meet someone, I currently reside in NYC. I am 46 years old, and fit on the outside, I am 6'4" and weigh 220lbs, I have alot of life still and would very much like to share it with someone. Thank You so much for reading!