What DON'T You Blog About?

Well, I thought this was a great idea, but obviously I was wrong.

Last week I got some very upsetting news concerning a member of my family, who is apparently dying of cancer. And I desperately wanted to blog about it, because blogging helps me cope with so many aspects of my life with cancer.

But one topic I have NEVER written about, in my blog or in my other writing, is my estrangement from most of my immediate family. There are good reasons not to write about this; the biggest reason for me is that I don't want readers to give me advice or tell me what to do.

However, I wanted the relief of blogging, so then I thought about rounding up all the usual suspects, my cancer blogger friends, and asking them to write linked posts on what we don't blog about. This seemed like a way to write about the topic of my family and cancer without really giving the personal details or, hopefully, opening the door to criticism of my way of coping with the situation.

That's what I thought, anyway.

But, when each and every one of these bloggers declined to participate, I decided to listen to them. And I agree. There are some topics that I don't want to discuss in detail on the Web.

For the record, the one topic I won't touch in my blog is family estrangements. How about you? What don't you blog about? No details needed, just the topic. Add a comment below, or send me an e-mail: jeanne.sather@gmail.com

Feedback From a Smarter Blogger Than I
Here's what one smart blogger had to say in response to my request:

The few specific things I don't and won't blog about are so sensitive that I don't even want to
list them, much less discuss them to the extent of explaining why I don't blog about them. They're not secret; they're just out of bounds for public discussion. Period.

There is one tip I would give your blogging students, though, and you have obviously already thought about this, but I would just second it: Even though the blog is a great place to spill one's guts, get things off one's chest, think things through, etc., I still recommend maintaining certain boundaries. You never do know where information will wind up, or how it will be distorted by the filter of other people's experience. People can get hurt by what you say about them behind their backs, even when you think there's no way they can ever find out, and even when they never do find out.

Also, it's very important to think about whom you would let into your personal relationships. Everyone has an opinion, and what, one in twenty? one in a hundred people who read what you say will actually post a comment? And they don't know you, or him (or her), and yet it's crazy, or maybe just naïve, to think that what they say won't affect you.

Boundaries are good.

As I said, smarter than I. I'm taking this advice.

Reader Alert
I've posted this message, or one very like it, at the bottom of several posts that were on sensitive topics, and so far my readers have been very thoughtful in their responses. What I mean is, they didn't e-mail me and tell me how to handle the situation, or that I was full or it; they just wrote messages of support--without the usual cliches, too! For this I am profoundly grateful.

Note: If you are new to my blog, you may not realize that I am extremely sensitive about people giving me unwanted advice.

Please do not e-mail me telling me what I should have done in this situation. Or post a comment saying something like, “No matter what happens, it will all turn out for the best.” Or, “You did the best you could.” This is not helpful.

Words of sympathy and support are gratefully accepted.

@Jeanne Sather 2007.

Comments

[George]

Well, I somewhat agree. Yes, I blog on flickR, Myspace, Vox, Facebook, YouTube, but somehow as a moderator and owner of a cancer forum keep most of this separate.

I have friends in each group that mean different things to each group.

Also, I went more than ten years without speaking with my family. When my mother was dying from recurring cancer I had already reconnected yet remained disconnected from a lifetime of issues that kept us apart.

In the end I still have more secrets than I could ever reveal in a blogging forum.

[Jeanne]

Hi George--so what you are saying is that you blog in various places and you keep the topics separate? So you only write about cancer in the cancer forum that you moderate?

Maybe that's my problem--I write about everything in one blog. But even so, I think there are subjects, like family, that I'm not going to blog about in the near future.

[Carver]

Hi Jeanne,

I have a footer on my blog that says, to avoid spilling someone else's guts my blog is mostly about me. I feel a bit narcissistic at times because my blog is very me, me, me. I do make vague references to people and occasionally mention my daughter but I'm very careful overall.

I fear if I start talking too freely about conversations, or friends, or family, that I might inadvertently go too far. As to me, I tend to let it all out but I don't expect everyone else to be willing to do that. If I start talking about other people too much on my blog I'm afraid I could accidentally reveal something they don't want revealed.

This is a good topic.

Take Care, Carver

[Jeanne]

Thanks, Carver. It's really fascinating to hear how different people feel about this.

As you can tell, I'm pretty open as well, and there really hasn't been any down side to it. (So far, anyway.)