Catching Up

I've let a lot of threads drop during the past couple of weeks while I was dealing with this problem with my arm, so if you have e-mailed me or left me a message in a comment and I haven't gotten back to you, please ping me again.

And don't think that I was/am ignoring you, but my brain was mush a good part of these past three weeks.

For example, I know someone offered to trade me a jar of pomegranate (is that spelled right? It doesn't look right) jam for a jar of my homemade Therapy Jam, but I sure can't remember who it was.

Bed time. Tomorrow I have to rescue a magazine story that was due last Monday (yes, I know). The source also didn't get back to me when she said she would, and my new deadline is tomorrow afternoon. So that will make for a fun day tomorrow.

I'm also fending off my lawyer, because I don't want to take his advice about the arbitration ... More on that drama some other time.

My arm still hurts like hell, but I have it in the splint and I've just taken a big dose of pain meds, plus xanax to stop the wheels from going round and round so that I can sleep.

I guess the thought that I can't get away from is that if I had used common sense: worn the splint, avoided using my arm, and just waited it out, my arm probably would have been OK without all the drama, scans, emergency doctor's appointments (and stress, anxiety, thoughts of death...). But, because I have metastatic disease, I had to have it checked out.

But I am so tired of this world of cancer medicine. Just so tired of it.

And the drama of the arm may not be over, but I sure liked The Bone Guy and his common-sense, minimalist approach.

My wish for myself is that I can get back on track and continue with my break from chemo, even if I don't have the full use of my right arm for six weeks. The worst thing about that is that I can't drive the Red Corvair. It takes too much muscle to drive that thing. So it's sitting in the backyard, waiting for me.

Oh, boy. One final drama for the day. I was sitting on the front porch with the dogs, enjoying the evening, and when we all came inside I forgot that I had let them out to the porch from the side yard and had not closed that gate.

So when I let them into the backyard a few minutes ago for a final pee break, they escaped out the side gate. Connie, who is my dog, stayed right out front, but GB, who likes to roam, took off running.

I've been roaming the neighborhood for the past 15 minutes, calling "treat, GB" at the top of my lungs, trying to get him back before he ran out into 65th Street, where the cars whiz by at 40 mph or faster at night.

Happy ending: He is back safe and sound, and my heart is still racing. No more drama, please. A nice, quiet, boring summer--that's what I want.

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

Comments

[laurie]

I wish you much peace in the coming weeks. Tell GB that he needs to stay by your side. He should be lowering your blood pressure, not raising it (I write this with my own dog on the bed, snoring beside me.

[Sara]

You do NOT have to justify going to the doctor. You do NOT. You did the right thing for you in this moment; you got yourself some answers so you could either deal with what was happening or relax.

Now it looks like you get to relax, at least for a minute or two -- or at least stress out over something besides cancer for a minute or two. Thank goodness!

Here's to boring! (raises beer in toast)

[Jeanne]

Laurie--No kidding! I thought I was going to have heart failure when I was out looking for him.

He's been very good today, and Constant, the younger one, has been extraordinarily good. The tough love as preached by Connie's dog trainer is paying off.

[Jeanne]

Sara--Oh, I know. Really, I do. It's just that, like I said, if I COULD have waited it out, I could have saved myself all this stress and drama. (This is a weak argument, more an emotional reaction than a coherent argument...)

But that's the reality of living with advanced disease--I have to check everything out.