A Bittersweet Mother's Day

The greeting card companies, who invented this holiday, have a lot to answer for.

Mother's Day brunch with my two sons, ages 22 and 16, neither of whom lives with me right now, was bitter, and sweet.

Older Son, a business student at the UW, showed up a little early for our brunch date and caught me without makeup. As a result, he was worried about me, and asked me several times how I was. The irony here, of course, is that I am so much better (and look so much better) than a month ago when the anemia was in full swing, but he never saw me then without makeup.

He's also worried because he knows I'm heading off to Tucson this week to see the world's most wonderful oncologist, so I need to talk to him about THAT when he comes over today. We have some financial aid paperwork to take care of so that he will have money to finish his degree, just two more quarters and then he will be making the big bucks, or so he says.

His friends who are interviewing now are getting job offers in the $50,000-$65,000 range, with undergraduate degrees in business from the University of Washington. Amazing. It took me two master's degrees to make that much.

Older Son, who is incredibly responsible and mature at 22 (heck, he was responsible in the second grade--I guess it's the older child thing, and my cancer has made him grow up quickly as well), has been debating graduate school vs. going to work, and he told me while I was putting on my makeup yesterday that he has decided to go to work once he graduates so that he can take over the mortgage on the house.

I greeted this news calmly, but it was cause for a few private tears later. One, because I know he doesn't want me to have to sell the house, and he knows I may not be able to afford to keep it for much longer. (Living on credit here.) And two, because I don't want him to have to be so mature at 22.

And then there is Younger Son, who showed up half an hour late, and then reneged on his promise to walk his dog, and who did his best to keep his mad on during brunch with his older brother and me.

I have a mediation/arbitration coming up with his father on June 1, and for the first time ever, Younger Son and I are on opposite sides in a parenting dispute. If nothing else, it has brought him closer to his father, which was one of my goals all along.

I did my best to keep at bay my feelings of guilt over having gone and gotten cancer on them, but of course I feel that. (Please don't e-mail me any cheery little messages about how getting cancer is not my fault. I KNOW that, but that doesn't mean I don't feel mother guilt, especially since I am a single parent. That's just the way it is.)

So this gathering with my much-loved sons to celebrate--what?--my maternal devotion?--was, as I said, bitter, and sweet.

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

Comments

[Wendy]

Jeanne I understand that it's hard to have to watch the boys grow up faster, but knowing Older Son, I think that he will consider it a privilege to give back to his mother. The one person that loves, supports and continues to give to him with all her heart. I can't ever see him regretting a choice to help you. It's a gift to be able to give and share with people you love and care about. I do care.