Going Bald II

It seems to me, looking back, that I was I was balder the second time around, when I was on Taxol.

I finished my first round of chemotherapy treatments in February of 1999. At the time of my three-month checkup, my hair had grown back. It was still very short, but thicker than before (a nice benefit) and also curly (not so great: it curled like a cocker spaniel’s coat. I wanted loopy ringlets).

Then, five months after finishing chemo the first time, in July of 1999, I had a local recurrence. You can read about that in Jeanne’s Diary.

My doctors recommended chemotherapy with Taxol: four treatments three weeks apart, plus six and a half weeks of daily radiation treatments at the same time.

I did not agonize over the decision to do chemo the second time as I had the first, so the whole thing was much less stressful. I knew the drill. Even knowing that my hair would fall out again was not a big deal.

I ordered a new hat and some headbands. I shaved my head, right down to the skin. And one night, just for fun, a friend and I went out and got a henna "tattoo" of a mandala painted on the side of my head.

The mandala, a circular design that symbolizes totality in Hinduism or Buddhism, was a prayer for me to get through this treatment with as much grace as possible. (I used to have photos of my henna tattoo. If I can find them, I’ll post them.)

The biggest difference between Going Bald I and Going Bald II was my attitude. The first time, I hated those pitying looks; they really upset me. The second time, I was much more in-your-face. I flaunted my bald head with its henna tattoo. I didn’t try to hide it.

I wore large earrings and makeup. And when people gave me “that look,” I stared them down. Inside my head, I was thinking, “Yes, I’ve got cancer, deal with it.”

The message seemed to get through.

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.