The One-Breasted Woman Gets a Mammogram, Reluctantly

I was talking with my aunt on the phone on Sunday, just catching up, when I mentioned that I'd be getting a mammogram this week and that I was kind of dreading it.

"Well, at least you only have to get it on one side," she quipped, and then she stopped. And waited. Really afraid she had put her foot in it.

But I thought that was pretty funny, and I laughed.

Of course what she meant is that most women dread mammograms because they don't like having those sensitive body parts clamped in a vise. And of course it's never fun to have a total stranger pushing and pulling your breasts around. So she figured I was better off only having to be pushed and pulled and squeezed on one side.

But that's not the reason I dread mammograms. I was one of those rare women who really didn't mind the procedure itself.

The reason I dread mammograms is because it was an innocent mammogram, at age 43, that started my whole life with cancer. So, I'm anxious and spacy before I go in, and worse when I get out.

I had my mammogram about two hours ago, and right now I feel on the verge of a meltdown.

The technician was nice, although she never introduced herself. And she gave me the tightest, most painful mammogram I've ever had. But she warmed up the equipment with a heating pad beforehand, which is very considerate--you know all those jokes about preparing by slamming your breast in a freezer door!

So now I wait for results. And I'm not ever particularly worried about getting bad results. It's just that the whole experience of going in for the mammo takes me right back to the days when I was first diagnosed, and, despite everything that has happened since, I think those days of test after test after test and not knowing anything were the worst.

Small happy ending here: Meltdown averted. I left an urgent voice mail for one of my closest friends, and she called me back and we talked this whole thing through, and now I'm OK. Tired, and heading for a short nap with a good mystery and a cup of warm soup, but in a couple of hours I should be able to take up the reins of my life again.

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

Comments

[Jacqueline]

I'm glad you have that friend. No need to waste good energy on an unearned freak out. That's what I always tell myself anyway. But I can totally agree that it was ALWAYS the waiting that caused the most stress and darkness. I'm so glad that I've discovered your bolg. I always depart feeling nourished... Sweet dreams.