Of Boobs and Breasts, Real and Silicone

Back in September of 1998, when a surgeon—who I give a rating of ZERO on a scale of one to 10 for empathy and a minus-5 for listening—first told me I needed a mastectomy, my response was, "No way."

I wanted a lumpectomy, to remove just the cancer, and even as the surgeon explained her reasons for recommending a mastectomy over a lumpectomy, my mind was looking for a way out. One reason for a mastectomy, she said, is that a lumpectomy would leave a "bad cosmetic result." Meanwhile, I was thinking, "So it looks a little weird, at least I'd still have a breast."

The idea of a mastectomy felt like a mutilation.

I left her office thinking that maybe I could just ignore the whole thing and it would go away. Or maybe I could just ignore the whole thing and see what happened. (I think this is called “denial.”)

But I got second and third opinions—and all three sets of doctors agreed on the need for a mastectomy. Then I did some more reading, and took the time to come to terms with the choice I faced: that it was the breast versus my life.

Then the choice became easy. "I can live without a breast," is the way I explained it to my children, "if that means I can live a long time." ("Or even a longer time," I added in my head. Life looks suddenly short when you hear that word, cancer.)

At this point, March 2007, I’ve lived without my right breast for almost eight and a half years, and I can’t say I miss it. I’m grateful to have lived this long with cancer, and the breast itself has become pretty unimportant.

I do have a mental image of myself as a one-breasted warrior, an Amazon, and that image is a good one. It helps keep me strong.

Read more:

Saying Goodbye

Waking Up After Surgery: “Did You Lose the Breast?”

Reconstruction: to Rebuild, or Not?

Shopping for a New Boob

A Boob Named Jabba

Life With Jabba

Sex and the One-Breasted Woman

The One-Breasted Woman Gets a Mammogram, Reluctantly

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

Comments

[Jacqueline]

I am glad that you posted this list- some I hadn't read until now. These are all incredibly thoughtful, informative and sincere writings. Thank you.