Field Trip No. 1: To Buy a Hallmark “Cancer Card”

The next time you’re browsing the card racks looking for just the right card to commemorate Auntie Mabel’s fourth divorce, take a look at the latest “Hallmark moments”—cards to send to friends undergoing chemotherapy, or struggling with depression or bulimia.

Can you imagine? “Congratulations on your cancer diagnosis!”

Actually, the cancer card says—note the rhyming verse— Cancer is a villain who doesn't play fair ... but it can't dim your spirit, and it can't silence prayer."

Ugh. Friends and relatives, take note, DO NOT send me this or any other Hallmark cancer card.

Hallmark has been a cultural icon of schmaltz for decades with its rhyming sentiments and ribbons-and-flowers view of life’s important moments.

I give Hallmark Brownie points for trying.

But with all due respect to the hordes of people who were clamoring for printed cards to send to friends or relatives who had been diagnosed with cancer, or who were dealing with depression or bulimia—this is the time for a blank card or a plain sheet of notepaper, one on which you write your very own words, by hand, from the heart.

February 24, 2007 Update

NPR did a short, uncritical piece called A Hallmark Moment. Is NPR slipping?

Feb. 18-24 Is National Blank Greeting Card Week.

Support this blog

@ Jeanne Sather 2007.

Comments

[Jim Howard]

Hi. I'm a writer at Hallmark. I wrote some of the cards in the "Journeys" line, though not the one you quoted. Your call to "write your very own words, by hand, from the heart" is a powerful one, and I understand why you'd make it. Here's my comment, and I don't mean it defensively or as a PR message on Hallmark's behalf.

The reason Hallmark and other card companies exist is because a lot of people just don't know what to say. This is especially true in difficult circumstances. Some people feel paralyzed by the possibility of saying the Wrong Thing.

You're not one of those people, obviously. You express your point of view articulately and passionately. And it's great that you can fill a blank card or sheet of paper with the right words for a person going through a tough time. I feel the same kind of writerly confidence, which is why I got this job (although you might not like the stuff I write, either).

I used to make my own birthday and holiday cards, and couldn't imagine why anyone needed to buy them, why they couldn't just make their own. But after years of writing them and listening to people talk about what cards mean in their lives, how helpful they can be -- especially in times of trouble for those they care about -- I have a better understanding than I used to.

I'd be interested in what you think a card SHOULD say to someone like you, coming from a friend who simply doesn't have the words. What do people in your situation most need to hear? What's the message you'd write to yourself?

[Jeanne]

Jim--thanks for your comments, and for your question.

I understand your point, that some people don't know what to say, but I think in tough situations like these, the words have to be personal, not from a greeting card company. Even if they are just, "I don't know what to say ..."

As for your question about what a card should say, that is exactly my point: I think the right words are specific and personal to the two people: the writer and the recipient. So, blank cards rule.

But thank you again for writing and for defending your point of view.

Jeanne

[Jim Howard]

Again, I'm instinctively sympathetic to your point of view. Yet I also feel for those who want to support loved ones but simply don't trust themselves to choose between words that might be supportive and words that might be empty or even offensive or depressing.

One thing I'd add is that, of course, cards aren't written by "a greeting card company." They're written by individual writers. The writers who worked on these Journeys cards have been touched by cancer, divorce, miscarriage, etc., either in their own lives or the lives of people close to them. The writer who wrote the card you quoted lost a husband to cancer. Another of the cancer cards was inspired by a woman's experience with losing her father to the disease. We have cancer survivors among us, too. The work is unavoidably personal.

And I think that's what resonates with card buyers. To them, what we've written feels authentic, lived -- the very thing they'd have said if only they could write. It took awhile for me to understand that.

So, even if your response to some cards you get is "ugh," at least the friends or relatives who sent them are in your corner, whether they know what to say about the fight you're in or not. Good writers like yourself may underestimate just how daunting that is for some people.

Hope you're feeling well today. I like your attitude.

[jessica]

I'm with you, Jeanne. Exactly. "I have no idea what to say," if delivered with compassion, respect and humanity, means far more than someone else's words-rhyming or otherwise. Still, I thinks its admirable that Mr. Howard so diplomatically invited a discussion on this topic. Kudos to him and to you for your tact as well.

[Jeanne]

Thanks, Jessica. And I appreciate Jim Howard weighing in, even though I don't agree with him. I'd hate to think that he didn't believe in the work he was doing--I'm not being condescending here. I mean that.

Jeanne

[Archer]

An acquaintance of mine has an inoperable brain tumor. I consider myself a pretty good writer and typically not shy about expressing myself. Although I don't know this individual very well, I do cross paths with him every few weeks or so. I have certainly felt the desire to acknowledge his plight, but the "right" words have proved evasive.

I did a Google search on "cancer patient sentiments" and found this discussion. I was inspired to find the "right" words and get them expressed.

I want to acknowledge how refreshing it is to find individuals capable of basically "respectfully agreeing to disagree". Thank you to all for stirring me to dig a little deeper and to do what I needed.

[Jeanne]

Archer--thank you so much. I am glad this was helpful for you.

It is so hard to know what to say, I think you have to kind of feel your way with your friend, but it is definitely worth the effort, for him and for you.

At least for me, I hate myself when I duck difficult conversations or situations.

Jeanne

[debutaunt]

My favorite cards were always the homemade ones - the kid drawings of spaceships and gadget machines. A sandbox of flamingos and a rake. Stupid stuff. I would burn any card if it said something rhyming like that.

Just say, thinking of you today was enough. The thought that someone wrote that out and used a stamp and mailed it was enough.

[jeanne]

Debutant--I agree. I like to make my own cards, and my kids always made cards for me and others. Just a few words in your own handwriting are so much more powerful than a greeting card co's words. But I respect the guy who writes the cards for wading in. So let's be nice to him.

Jeanne

[Toni]

I'm so happy I found this site via internet search. I was looking for ideas for cards to send a dear friend who's been diagnosed with breast cancer ... second time in 7 years. Thank you for your comments. I'll make sure the cards I send are personally made by me and I'll write from my heart.

Thank you.

[jeanne]

Toni--Thank YOU. Makes me happy to hear this. Jeanne

[meg wolff]

I don't want a "cancer card" either. Yuck.

I came over from Vamos A Ver blog and I really like your site. I will return. Thank you.

[meg wolff]

I don't want a "cancer card" either. Yuck.

I came over from Vamos A Ver blog and I really like your site. I will return. Thank you.

[meg wolff]

I don't want a "cancer card" either. Yuck.

I came over from Vamos A Ver blog and I really like your site. I will return. Thank you.